News today that Beckham has spat his own dummy out over criticism of giving his four year old one – a dummy that is, before you send Operation Yewtree round to Dun Goldenballsing!

“What”, he sulks “gives you the right to criticise?”

Sorry, pal, but here’s news for you  – it’s a right called free speech!

I don’t expect you, or that skeletal bag of sour-faced misery you call a wife, to understand the concept so best you go back to ringing your bell and pecking at your mirror.