The names have been changed to protect the innocent. A friend on Facebook has had her account hacked. A scammer contacted me from her account and the following ensued. The only things you need to know are that I’ve never been to the Isle of Man and I don’t know anyone called Ruby.

Wed 13:47
Ethel – Hello Andy
Wed 19:35
Ethel – How are u
Andy – Hola. Another year older! How’s you?
Ethel – Original message: Another year older! How’s you?
I’m good and u
Andy – Ok
Ethel – Andy i lost your contact can you send it back to me
Andy – What contact?
Ethel – Oh sorry wrong message the message was supposed to be for my friend Jean
Ethel – So how was your day
Andy – Boring! Just hanging on for retirement
Ethel – Oh
Ethel – But you can still make money why you are retired online don’t you know about forex
Wed 22:26
Andy – Is that the thing you told Ruby and me about when we were on holiday in the Isle of Man?
07:13
Ethel – Original message: Is that the thing you told Ruby and me about when we were on holiday in the Isle of Man?
Yes and ruby and started making money from it
Ethel – So should I send you the forex manager contact
You replied to a participant
Original message: Yes and ruby and started making money from it
Wow! Really? She never mentioned it and I’ve been driving her to the weekly KKK meet ever since the accident with the pogo stick.
Someone replied to you
Original message: Wow! Really? She never mentioned it and I’ve been driving her to the wee…
Maybe she forgot we make money from it everyday you can start today and also earn money today
Ethel – ‪+1 (910) 315 5947‬‬
Ethel – This is the forex manager WhatsApp number I have told him about you that you want to start earning money like us also
Ethel – So just chat him up on WhatsApp
Andy – I’m going to check with Ruby first and ask how it works.
Someone replied to you
Original message:
I’m going to check with Ruby first and ask how it works.
Ethel – Ok but message him first because I just tell him about you to show your serious do you want to know how much I earned yesterday
Andy – Just been going over my photographs of our holiday together. Wasn’t it great? I particularly liked the public birching.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Just been going over my photographs of our holiday together. Wasn’t it g…
It was great
Ethel – Have you messaged him so I can tell him
Ethel – Because I want my family and friends to so enjoy what I enjoy
You replied to a participant
Original message: Have you messaged him so I can tell him
No – I told you I’m gonna talk to Ruby first. She should be back from kayaking the Amazon in a few days. How they adapted the canoe to take the wheelchair is amazing. Has she shown you the pics?
You replied to a participant
Original message: Because I want my family and friends to so enjoy what I enjoy
That’s very nice of you, but I’m very careful with money what with all those scammers we keep hearing about.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: That’s very nice of you, but I’m ery careful with money what with all th…
Ok if you want to start how much will you start with on the forex
Ethel replied to you
Original message:
No – I told you I’m gonna talk to Ruby first. She should be back from ka…
Yes she has
Andy – Not bad for an 80 year old, eh?
Ethel replied to you
Original message:
Not bad for an 80 year old, eh?
Yes
Ethel – I will love it if you are part of the winning team so we all can be happy making money
Andy – I don’t remember you being so obsessed with money. Have things changed since you had the triplets?
Ethel replied to you
Original message: I don’t remember you being so obsessed with money. Have things changed s…
Yes everyone is obsessed with money
08:25

Andy – Strange thing for a Buddhist to say! Besides, it’s not true. Some of us are more obsessed with hot oil and hoover attachments. Know what I mean?

09:04
Someone replied to you
Original message:
Strange thing for a Buddhist to say! Besides, it’s not true. Some of u…
Ethel – Yes it through

Ethel – Just withdraw my profit few minutes ago that about 8000£
Andy – Ooo, great! Does that mean you’re paying for this year’s trip to Lourdes for the cross burning?
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Ooo, great! Does that mean you’re paying for this year’s trip to Lourde…
Yes sure

Andy – Fantastic! In that case I’ll have the laundry put some extra whitener on my robe and get a new pink pompom for my pointy hat. How many chickens do you think we’ll need for the sacrifice this time?
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Fantastic! In that case I’ll have the laundry put some extra whitener on…
I don’t know how many do you suggest
Andy – Well, we normally have one for each point of the pentagram, so it really depends on how many summoning rituals you want to do. Shall we say 25? I think any more might have customs asking too many questions – not to mention what the coach driver might say.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Well, we normally have one for each point of the pentagram, so it really…
Ok 25 is great
Andy – You want Brahmas or Leghorns? Or maybe something exotic like a Jersey Giant?
Ethel replied to you
Original message: You want Brahmas or Leghorns? Or maybe something exotic like a Jersey Giant?
I think jersey Giant will be better
Ethel – I don’t know I just forgot my password of my Facebook I can’t logout because I don’t remember the password
Andy – You don’t need a password to log out – you just log out.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: You don’t need a password to log out – you just log out.
Yes I know but I can’t login it if I logout that the problem here
Ethel – Send me your number again let me check if I can recover it
Andy – Why do you need my number for that? I thought you only ever used SextonBlake. I’ve warned you about password security before.
(NB Sexton Blake is rhyming slang for fake.)
Ethel replied to you
Original message:
Why do you need my number for that? I thought you only ever used SextonB…
I don’t just know what to do
Andy – Oh, OK. Since it’s you my number is 0300 123 2040
(NB – This is the number for police Action Fraud line)
Ethel – Ok thanks please send me the code they sent to your gmail or sms so I can recover it
Ethel – ?
(At this point I had to make up some numbers so I translated my message with the old phone keypads. I will include the words in brackets.)
Andy – It says 9682868 (YouC**t)
Ethel – The code didn’t work
Ethel – Send me the new code
Andy – A “please” wouldn’t go amiss – trying to help you here.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: A “please” wouldn’t go amiss – trying to help you here.
Ok they have sent the code to you check your email or your sms
Andy – Excuse me, but don’t give me orders like that – it’s very rude.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Excuse me, but don’t give me orders like that – it’s very rude.
I’m sorry I’m not given you order Andy
Ethel – I just said they have sent it to you
Andy – It says 7226687 (scammer)
Ethel – Pls can you send me the screenshot because the code is not 7 but 8
Ethel – Don’t be offended I know you are trying to help me Andy
Andy – Oh, yes – beg pardon – it’s 72268879 (scammery) – copied it wrong
Ethel – Pls Andy you know I resent the code again so this one has expired just send me the screenshot so i will look the code my self so i will stop stressing you pls
Ethel – don’t be offended okay
Andy – I don’t know how to do screenshots on this phone
Ethel – Ok send me code they sent they will send it just now on your email
Ethel –
Ethel – The email start with j and ends with 2 pls help me to check it and send it to me thanks
Andy – 28638787 (bumfarts)
Ethel – I don’t know why the code you are sending is not working
Andy – BTW – Ruby just texted me from. They’ve made it to Monte Alegre. but she’s had to stop because her prosthetic leg has broken.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: BTW – Ruby just texted me from. They’ve made it to Monte Alegre. but she…
Really
Andy – She says she’s never heard of this forex stuff.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: She says she’s never heard of this forex stuff.
Maybe she don’t want to tell you because she promised not to tell anyone else I’m the one who tell people
Ethel – Ruby made profit today
Andy – But I told her you’d been in touch. Why would she not say so?
Ethel replied to you
Original message: But I told her you’d been in touch. Why would she not say so?
Because I told her not to tell anyone just both of us earning from it
You replied to a participant
Original message: Ruby made profit today
Good for her – no doubt she’ll just stash it in her Northern Rock account as always.
(NB – Norther Rock went out of business 12 years ago.)
Ethel – You can message the manager and he will show you the profit ruby made today
Ethel – Do you still have the manager number all i should send it again
Andy – Wouldn’t that be rather unprofessional? Not sure I’d want to invest in something where the manager hands out information that should be private.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Wouldn’t that be rather unprofessional? Not sure I’d want to invest in s…
It private because he can’t show you but ruby showed me how much she earned today
Andy – From halfway up the Amazon with a busted false leg? Wouldn’t have thought that was the first thing on her mind. Although, thinking about it, she can be a bit weird. Remember that time she was rewriting her wiki entry while we were trying to get Sasha out of the airplane toilet?
Ethel replied to you
Original message: From halfway up the Amazon with a busted false leg? Wouldn’t have though…
Yes I remember
Andy – Poor Sasha – never was able to have another kid after what that vacuum toilet did to her. Still, eight is enough for anyone.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: Poor Sasha – never was able to have another kid after what that vacuum t…
I sorry for her

Ethel – What about what we discussed are you still interested so I can tell him because out every referral they give me a bonus
Andy – Oh, weren’t we all, especially after Clifton dumped her. Sobbing all night and necked more than a bottle of Tequilla
Ethel – You haven’t answered me
Andy – You’re being rude again
Ethel – No Andy am not rude
Ethel – Ohk I’m sorry
Andy – I’m beginning to think there’s something wrong here.
Ethel – Just trying to make everyone happy seen me and ruby is enjoying it so you can also and my bonus
Ethel replied to you
Original message: I’m beginning to think there’s something wrong here.
I don’t understand
Andy – The Ethel I know wouldn’t be so pushy. And why would you need a “bonus”? You’ve got enough share certificates to wallpaper a double garage.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: The Ethel I know wouldn’t be so pushy. And why would you need a “bonus”?…
I’m not pushy ok I’m sorry Andy
Ethel –
Andy – Well, you have been. Can’t say that I’m happy with this forex stuff what with you pushing it so hard and Ruby saying she knows nothing about it. Perhaps the three of us should chat at Graham’s BYO Rentboy party next month. Can’t remember – is it the 11th or the week after?
Ethel – Ok

11:30
Ethel – I want to try the number again so you send me the code please
Ethel – Thanks
Ethel – They have sent the code to your email thanks pls send me the code

11:51
Andy – 74483223 (shitface) – but this is the last time I’m doing this, OK.
Ethel – It because you don’t send the code instantly that why

Ethel – They sent you a code now this is the last code it will work pls
Ethel – pls send me the new code just this last one
Andy – Last time – I’m deleting anything else that turns up – 80782537 (U-sucker)
Ethel – The code they sent you is 6 digit code not 8 that why is not working Andy
Andy – You complained earlier that it wasn’t 8 digits. That’s what they sent me.
Ethel – The new code is 6 Andy pls
Ethel – I’m waiting pls
Andy – No. Not going to do this any more. You’ve basically called me a liar. I expected better from you and you’ll have to sort it out by yourself.
Ethel – I didn’t called you a liar Andy they said we have sent a 6 digit code so I’m telling you that the new code is 6 digit Andy please
Ethel – I’m sorry if you are offended
Ethel – Andy please
Andy – And I’m telling you what they sent me. To think it’s come to this after all we’ve been through together – Boris’s divorce and not mention me lending you the lake house to get over the abortion.
Andy – I’m so disappointed in you, Ethel.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: I’m so disappointed in you, Ethel.
I’m sorry
Ethel – Did they sent you any new code
Andy – I’ve told you I’m not doing that any more. You don’t seem to grasp that there’s only so far you can push me. If my word isn’t good enough for you then you’d better just send me back my gimp suit and we’ll have done with it.
Ethel replied to you
Original message: I’ve told you I’m not doing that any more. You don’t seem to grasp that …
It hasn’t gotten to that
Andy – Alaye
(A word by which Nigerian scammers identify each other.)
Ethel – Kia U mumu Sha 😂
(Which I think is something like “you dumb shit”)

This has been floating around the interweb for the last few days.

First thing to say is that it’s a parody account and not the real Ken Clarke, but for all that it was put to me that the point is still valid. Is it really?

Before we go anywhere else, what there is of an argument here presupposes that fruit and veg picking is an unskilled job which anyone could do – an argument which could only have been made by someone who has never had to do it. It requires physical fitness and dexterity and no small amount of skill. Yes, I know that the east end of London used to decamp to Kent every autumn to bring in the hops, but that only serves to illustrate the point.  Hop picking is now done largely by tractor, but it used to require skills not generally available in the workforce – not least the ability to work on stilts – and these were passed down generation to generation by families who usually went to the same farms each year.

The most recent circulation that I’ve seen of this tweet was from a Facebook group describing itself as “A page for those from (county deleted to maintain family peace) to promote the EU, and a reversal (or at the very least toning down) of the destructive ‘Brexit’ project.” I have no doubt, judging from the comments left underneath it, that they thought it was spiffingly good fodder, but I do doubt that they stopped to consider how much it contradicts a major part of their own cause.

The fruit-pickers in question are coming from Romania, which is an EU state and, as such, there is currently no power in law to stop them from entering – it’s EU law enshrined in UK law, go look it up. If, as was put to me, we could find 70,000 people within our current unemployed to go out in the fields, why do we still need freedom of movement?